July 5th = A Good Day

So this morning I woke up to a sunny morning like any other, except today was a bit windy and also the day of my RSA course. However nothing could really have predicted the rest of the day, it was like some novelist had hurriedly decided to add a lot of events to a story in order to keep the reader interested (which is handy because the massive prawn jokes are wearing thinner than the shell of a massive prawn).

So after I got a lift to the Hurstville train station I embarked on my first Australian train journey, which was no different to a British train journey except the train wasn’t delayed and it had two floors with plenty of seats. After my 30 minute train ride, in which I wondered how one country could handle train services fine and another country couldn’t , I had a short walk to Dymocks Building on George Street. 

That's Dymocks,
pronounced 'No-Bra'

(which is like Sydney CBD’s main road), up to the 7th floor and straight into around 6 hours of being told just how lenient the UK laws are in relation to alcohol laws in NSW. Here’s a quick crash course in New South Wales’ drinking laws...  

- If you are intoxicated (ie. Drunk) you will be refused service, no question, plus you will have to leave the premises because if an investigator walks in and sees some guy staggering around singing ‘Hi Ho Silver Lining’ the licensee gets an $11,000 fine. If the investigator sees a bar steward serving an intoxicated (ie. Smashed) patron, the bar steward is fined $11,000 (or $1,100 on the spot) and so is the licensee.
- No drinks promotions! No buy 1 get 1 free, no ‘all you can drink for $20’, no drinking challenges. If any of these things happens, guess what, you get fined!
- If an intoxicated (ie. Pissed) patron leaves the premises, they are not actually off the premises until they are 50 meters away from the venue.
-If somebody buys a drink for an intoxicated (ie. Ratted) friend and they are caught by an investigator they will be fined $11,000 or $1,100 on the spot and so will the licensee.
-If an intoxicated (ie. Wasted) patron refuses to leave after being asked they can be fined $5,500 or $550 on the spot by an investigator.
-If you go out in NSW, you’d better make sure you don’t get intoxicated (ie. Fined out your ass)

Anyway, I got my RSA certificate, but I’m not sure I want to work in a bar knowing I could be fined for thinking somebody isn’t drunk enough to be kicked out. Seeing as it was only 3:15 I decided to wonder around before going to book my reservation with a hostel in Woolloomooloo (the place name won it for me). At 3:20 I had been offered a job interview.

Heeeeeeeere's 85 Dollars worth of certificate...

I also met my cousin David today, for the first time since 1988, and his son whom I didn’t know existed until about 4 days ago. Nice guys, although I’m worried about going to the west coast as apparently they are not quite as ‘progressive’ as NSW and Victoria.

I’m sorry, this little paper clip won't go away until I go into more detail about the job interview, well, I shall, but first a quick back story...

Before I left England a few people sent me good luck type messages that also featured the theme of ‘good things happening for me’(Shelly, Shel, Helen, Bachman, Turner, Overdrive, amongst others) something that had eluded previous messages as they clearly thought nothing good could come from me living in England. On the train ride back from Town Hall to Hurstville I thought about what they could have meant by ‘good things happening’ as I’m sure they didn’t mean ‘good things will shake your hand and give you a job interview purely because you were not eligible to sign a petition (because you’re not an Australian citizen) and you are looking for part time work’... well that’s exactly what happened. After getting my certificate I walked about 5 minutes away looking for somewhere that sold rucksacks, it was on an ordinary street that a man with a clipboard came up to me, shook my hand, asked me something about Oxfam, told me 80% of the world’s children are needlessly starving as we waste 30% of our food, I replied ‘I know, that’s pretty messed up isn't it?’, he then noticed my accent (a mix of BBC English and a hint of the cast of Lock Stock) and asked where I was from, I said ‘WE’RE GONNA SCORE ONE MORE THAN YOOOOOU, ENGLAND!’, turns out I couldn't sign the petition but I could turn up to a place in Pitt Street and be interviewed to get a job asking people to sign a petition to help starving children, I said ‘Really? Great!’ and then immediately realised I hadn't eaten for a while, time to waste 30% of something. 

So I strutted off like a guy who just found out luck was on his side today, I imagine that’s how OJ Simpson must have felt after his court case. I bought a bag, sorted out my hostel accommodation and then thought ‘I paid $85 for a certificate and before I could even attempt to use it I’m given the chance to work somewhere that doesn’t need said certificate’. Oh well, at least I know not to buy a drunk guy a drink.