Don’t Buy A Repco Bike (A Totally Sane And Sensible Review)

So, there I was, on my way to work this morning and making great time on my nearly new bike. I was feeling pretty good about myself when after a nice long downhill section I changed down a couple of gears to keep moving up the next hill when, after putting all of my weight onto the right pedal, the right pedal pinged off.

It was too late to react and my right foot slammed into the black stuff and the whole bike threw itself down onto the right side as my whole body fell down. I rolled away and avoided any major injury, my ankle is a bit bruised and I have a weird puncture wound on my right hand but my right elbow managed to show the tarmac whose boss...

The tarmac was boss.

I sat up and noticed I was around ten meters from the piece of shit bike, I started swearing and then went back a bit further to pick up the piece of shit Chinese crap pedal that was made from a metal so shit the slave kids that made my shoes wouldn’t even use it to scrape the stray dog shit from their bare feet! Screw you China and your inferior materials! For a country that brags about inventing so much stuff you’d have thought they’d at least know how to make a half decent bicycle!

What the fuck is this shit? A broken fucking pedal, that's what this shit is!

Katie Melua may have said there are 9 million bicycles in Beijing, which is probably true as they can’t be ridden anywhere else because the pedals fall off after 90 minutes of riding!

I mean what has China ever done for anybody? Fireworks are a waste of money, Chinese food is greasy shit that doesn’t even sate your appetite for more than 5 minutes and the stuff they make is so cheap and shit that any company that goes there to cut costs are bastards and nobody wins! No wonder they have so many soldiers, if they had any unmanned drones they’d probably disintegrate if the wind got above anything more than a fart!

And Hero was a shit film!

So was Crouching Tiger.BASTARDS! ALL OF YOU!

YOU TOO BIG W, FOR SELLING THIS SHIT! I GUESS THE ‘W’ STANDS FOR WANKITY WANK WANK WANKING FUCKTARDS! I’LL BE SEEING YOU LATER TO GET MY MONEY BACK AND IF I DON’T I WILL SELL YOUR DOG TO THE NEAREST CHINESE RESTRAUNT AND EAT THE BASTARD THEN FEEL HUNGRY AGAIN IN 10 MINUTES! YOU BASTARD BASTARD BASTARDS!