I Feel Like It’s Raining All Over The World

Yes, it was a rainy night in Gordon last night. After the last few days lingering above 35 degrees of pure heat, the resulting rainy spell was a full on thunder storm, as it always seems to be in this country.

It started a few miles away as the flashes were far beyond the hills. But it wasn’t long before the flashes and claps synced up as the storm drifted upon us and the heavens’ opening lashed the roof and continually managed to keep me awake by interrupting itself with a few thousand decibels of power belting out from a few thousand miles above my head.

While I’m glad the rain will have quenched the bush fire risk somewhat, I’m far from glad that it chose to sweep across with such audible violence on a night when I had to leave for work before half six in the morning.

I made it into work on time despite the cloud and drizzle and after thirty minutes in the shed the rain fell again. But at least the storm broke the humidity... until about 12 O’clock when humidity began to creep up again, which is great when you have to ride a bike home.

Artist's impression.

And as soon as I got back to ye olde Poverty Peak, that delicate sound of thunder grumbled nearby and the rain started again.

Of course the news has made a big deal about the weather, ‘some areas got a month’s worth of rain over night, yadda yadda blah blah’, hardly news worthy, I mean, why report on a family of four’s house getting struck by lightning and burning the whole top floor (no one was hurt). But it does all mean the end of the world is nigh! Oh no, it's raining and a few streets are flooded? wasn't there a 9 year drought recently? Best stop whining and start storing all this water!

Oh, and Kevin Rudd (the former PM over here) has been trying to get back to top spot for a while after being booted off by Gillard (the current PM) who looks like a young caricature of Thatcher. 

This shit has been going on since before 2011? 

They had a ballot amongst the party and Gillard is still PM, so even that’s not news worthy as nothing has changed and I’m sorry I bothered telling you. Also an Australian won an Oscar for best editor.

Actually, now I’m on the subject of Aussie TV, there has been an advert that I thought might be of interest to those back in Blighty...

Yep, it’s a great year to be in Great Britain, or at least it would be if I wasn’t 10,000 miles away! And when the name Dev Patel popped up I thought they meant Dev from Corination Street, which would have been better than having 'one of the kids from when Skins was good'.

Hold on....

Just firing up the old Photoshop...

Saving... Uploading... and....
BAM!

Hi, I'm Ryan, the marketing genius!

I also realised that the picture of ‘your mum’ posted on the previous post may have been a bit offensive to some viewers.

So here’s a picture of your sister.

Back to Daylesford

It's Sunday, Sunday, having a day off on Sunda-ay.
For an authentic Sunday feeling, have a nice Sunday style version of an AC/DC classic courtesy of The Union...

The best thing about working all day every day for the last six days is the seventh day in which your one true god, me, rests.

As part of my day of rest I went back to Daylesford market with Simon and Atti, bought some socks, some apples, a cheap Chinese Swiss Army Knife (A Chiwiss Army Knife?) some home made piccalilli and some honey. Good-o.

I really wanted to buy this, but I don't think I'm worthy  of owning it.

After that I got some various crap from Coles for work lunches next week (Matt, one of the guys at work, has gone back to uni now so next week will feature the other three of us doing an extra 33.333333% work to make up for it)

After Coles we grabbed some fish and chips and drank naturally carbonated spring water from a pump! Amazing! Just check out those figures...

I have no idea if this is good or bad?

And that was it. Have some more poor quality pictures of Lake Daylesford as I do nothing for the rest of the day.

You might as well have a couple of pictures from my route to/from work too, seeing as you're here.

Yep, it's another sunrise.

Yep, that's another picture of me (in cool silhouette mode).

And yep, that's your Mum!

New Route Plus An Awesome Road Name

Turns out my blog is creating some publicity for Wallace, Gordon and other towns named after famous Batman commissioners.

This guy was called Wallace, wasn't he?

So much publicity has been caused that I have had to change my route from work, it's totally because of the crowds of people and nothing to do with the bastard hill that always kills my legs on the way back to Poverty Peak. To stop myself getting worked up over that bloody stupid hill, here's a couple of soothing pictures of the sun rising over the region on my way to work...

So to avoid the crowds I headed a different and slightly flatter way and found a street dedicated to me,

"This road has the greatest name ever" - Everybody named Ryan

I won't mention that the area has a strong Irish history because that might make people think the road is not in fact named after me. So that's it. No news, no dramas, no worries. Until next time Ryanites!

New Bike, Same Worries

A minor apology is in order for Big W after my rant in my previous blog post. Yesterday I got my bike replaced for a slightly better one with no hassle or stupid questions, so thanks to the guy at customer service who sorted that out. Repco are still bastards though for trying to break my elbow and China still have low quality metals and slave labour and crap food. Now I have a new bike and in the words of Mr. Tyler, 'I'm BAAACK,

In the saddle again. I'm BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!

So I rode out this morning in high spirits but with a few concerns swimming in my mind.
One, the box looks exactly the same as the other bike's box.
Two, the pedals look remarkably similar to the other bike's pedals
and Three, it's a 'mountain bike' with this sticker attached to the frame...

So I guess the 'mountain' part refers to those mountains made of tarmac?

I got to work and no major issues occurred, one of the rear brake pads shook itself loose but that isn't a major thing. At lunch I double checked everything by sticking an allen key/spanner to every bolt/nut and tightening it by whacking a great adjustable spanner against them all. If anything decides to come loose and injure me again that spanner and the bike will be going through Big W's window!

Don’t Buy A Repco Bike (A Totally Sane And Sensible Review)

So, there I was, on my way to work this morning and making great time on my nearly new bike. I was feeling pretty good about myself when after a nice long downhill section I changed down a couple of gears to keep moving up the next hill when, after putting all of my weight onto the right pedal, the right pedal pinged off.

It was too late to react and my right foot slammed into the black stuff and the whole bike threw itself down onto the right side as my whole body fell down. I rolled away and avoided any major injury, my ankle is a bit bruised and I have a weird puncture wound on my right hand but my right elbow managed to show the tarmac whose boss...

The tarmac was boss.

I sat up and noticed I was around ten meters from the piece of shit bike, I started swearing and then went back a bit further to pick up the piece of shit Chinese crap pedal that was made from a metal so shit the slave kids that made my shoes wouldn’t even use it to scrape the stray dog shit from their bare feet! Screw you China and your inferior materials! For a country that brags about inventing so much stuff you’d have thought they’d at least know how to make a half decent bicycle!

What the fuck is this shit? A broken fucking pedal, that's what this shit is!

Katie Melua may have said there are 9 million bicycles in Beijing, which is probably true as they can’t be ridden anywhere else because the pedals fall off after 90 minutes of riding!

I mean what has China ever done for anybody? Fireworks are a waste of money, Chinese food is greasy shit that doesn’t even sate your appetite for more than 5 minutes and the stuff they make is so cheap and shit that any company that goes there to cut costs are bastards and nobody wins! No wonder they have so many soldiers, if they had any unmanned drones they’d probably disintegrate if the wind got above anything more than a fart!

And Hero was a shit film!

So was Crouching Tiger.BASTARDS! ALL OF YOU!

YOU TOO BIG W, FOR SELLING THIS SHIT! I GUESS THE ‘W’ STANDS FOR WANKITY WANK WANK WANKING FUCKTARDS! I’LL BE SEEING YOU LATER TO GET MY MONEY BACK AND IF I DON’T I WILL SELL YOUR DOG TO THE NEAREST CHINESE RESTRAUNT AND EAT THE BASTARD THEN FEEL HUNGRY AGAIN IN 10 MINUTES! YOU BASTARD BASTARD BASTARDS!

Feeling Un-Fit

Not feeling too fit today, not as in ‘good looking’ fit (You know I'm hot like a McDonalds’ apple pie),

Baked in the fires of Hell!

I’m in the ‘can’t ride a bike to work without nearly having his heart explode’ category of not fit. I was back in Wallace today, no not that Wallace,

Although he is a looker

the place 'Wallace'. But today I did the most excellent thing of getting myself to work, through the medium of the second cheapest bike at Big W! And I wish more than ever that I could afford a car. Why did they build roads that go up hill when flattening them would save me a lot of sweat? Those bastards. Fortunately I have the luxury of having the option to stop off at the pub on the way home, which I did today, so I can meet locals and talk about stuff instead of riding a bike, which I did today. I was only going to stop in to take away a few bottles to veg out in front of the telly with when my legs gave out as soon as I got back to Poverty Peak, but I got talking to a couple of Gordon residents when I waited for the barman and the rugby league match between Manly and Leeds was on the box (congrats Leeds).

So two and a half pints later I left quite happy and then rode for about two minutes before realising I was riding a bike and took to walking up and just rolling down hills with a bottle from my take away Carltons in my hand (What? It was the cheapest beer there).

I don’t know why those Tour de Frogs bother peddling all the way, my way is much more relaxing and you can take in more of the scenery.

You can’t see much of anything when you’re riding a bike, it’s all blurry. 

Naturally, that one bottle of on the road beer for me was like spinach is to Popeye and I had enough strength / Dutch courage to ride the rest of the way back. I never expected to be setting record times straight away, but I am confident that I will one day be able to ride easily up those hills and drink beer at the same time...

Pictured: The dream 

Spud Packer

Finally, I have a job (But you knew that already). So for the past 3 days I've been going to work near Wallace,

Wallace? WALLACE? WHERE THE...

Steady on, kids might be reading this.

Turns out it is quite heavy work packing spuds, even though most of the work is done by machines which undoubtedly make the job less tiring.

That's right, Mr. Anderson, machines are useful!

The hours are 7- around 3, Simon took me to work the past three days with Alan (the boss) bringing me back to Poverty Peak at the end of the day. Well, Alan didn’t bring me back yesterday as I had to go baaaaack to Ballarat

Oh wait, I’ve done that ‘joke’ before.

Why Ballarat? Well, I had to get a bike as having Simon take me into work every morning isn’t great when he sometimes doesn’t get in until 10pm. So I shall cycle to and from work each morning, which will be a shock to the system as I haven’t ridden a bike any distance since I was a temp at the Woolwich in Basildon (Which was when I lived in Basildon, which was a few hundred years ago).

Well before the council went completely insane.

According to Google Maps my route is a good 8KM with plenty of hills, looks like I’d better give myself 2 hours tomorrow. Oh yeah, I’m working tomorrow (Saturday) for a few hours because I need those dollar dollar bills y’all!

I have an expensive diet.

That’s all the news for now, the chickens are still alive, Atti is still here WWOOFing and I’m pretty tired after a day at work so I’m going to do nothing for a bit and then sleep.

Please Excuse The RPG Analogies

Today I was baaaaaack, baaaaack, back in Ballarat, but this time I was on a quest that I had been given last week after via email.

You may remember I posted an ad on Gumtree to promote myself in an eloquent way. If you don’t remember then go back and read it again! You should start paying attention or you’ll fail your end of year exam!

And stop chewing gum!

Well that piece of genius advertising returned one result in the form of an Irish lady called Noreen. Noreen runs a cafe in Ballarat and she emailed me with a handy tip, her neighbour knows somebody who is looking for workers at his potato packing place.

Brilliant! Quest accepted: Talk to Noreen in person

I would meet Noreen today at her cafe and then, in the usual RPG style, I would have to talk to her neighbour after talking to her. Noreen’s neighbour was a mysterious gentleman by the name of Bryth , he had a Jack Russell dog and as I knocked on the door he bellowed ‘COME IN, LAD!’

After some dialogue he would eventually give me a cryptic message that would ultimately lead me to the potato packing shed in a town called Wallace

OOOOOH YEEEAH

But how did Noreen find my ad? Well, Bryth is friends with the owners of various farms including a Christmas tree plantation and Ray Gregory’s potato packing shed. Alan Gregory (son of Ray) asked Bryth if he knew of anybody who might need a job, Bryth then asked next door if they knew anybody who would need a job as they had relatives etc. . Noreen (from next door) happened to be looking on Gumtree one day when she stumbled upon my ad (labelled as ‘Ballarat’ in the location box) and got in touch.

Bryth would tell Alan that I would be there later in the day to talk jobs as Simon was at work and Bryth didn’t have a phone number for me to call. I gave him my number to pass onto the Gregorys and that was that.

Objective complete: Talk to Bryth

New Objective: Return to Noreen

Noreen had asked me to come back to the cafe once I had spoken to Bryne, so I did. I received a free coffee for turning in the quest which gave me a small stat boost (Energy +5). Then I received an optional quest line, Noreen asked me if I ‘had any cafe experience?’ to which I replied ‘No, but I have worked in a pub for a while’, which was true as I had completed the ‘work in a pub’ achievement ages ago which gave me +9 to my Customer Service stat, but it wasn’t enough so I failed that speech option. Noreen said ‘OK, are you any good with a shovel?’ I chose the option <Exaggerate> ‘Yes, I haven’t done a lot else since getting to Gordon’. Noreen then gave me the optional quest ‘Ask a nearby site office if they need any labourers’ and marked the location on my map (showed me the site at the end of the street)

Objective Complete: Return to Noreen

New Objective: Talk to Gregory at Wallace

If I did choose to pursue the optional quest, Noreen mentioned she could rent a room above the cafe.

So I had exhausted that quest hub for now and had to wait for Simon to finish work as he was my fast travel option, plus the packing shed was on the road back towards Gordon.

With a fair few hours to kill I got my hair cut (+20 Charisma) and had some lunch for an extra 150hp, then I walked up to Lake Wendouree, sat under a tree by the lake and wrote all of the above from the title to this upcoming full stop

After gaining some writing exp I decided to walk the full 6KM route around the lake (with a detour to look at the botanical garden) before walking back through Ballarat to look at things I cannot afford.

I then completed another quest, ‘Grab some shopping from Coles’ and Simon then enabled the fast travel option so we went to Wallace to find the potato packing shed.

After following the directions given, which were surprisingly accurate once we deciphered them, we found the objective and I walked up to talk to Alan Gregory. Alan seemed alright, a normal bloke that runs a packing shed. I introduced myself and it seemed Bryth had kept his word as Alan knew who I was. We talked terms and he offered a trial, two days at $14 cash per hour, then we’ll see how it goes with the promise of a wage increase if the job and I suit each other. I agreed as those two days, whatever the outcome, would give me a bit of instant income.

Objective complete: Talk to a Gregory at Wallace

New Objective: Pass the two day trial that begins on Wednesday at 7AM
(Optional: Repair a bike to go to work on)

I took the fast travel option back to Simon’s and Atti, who had been WWOOFing at the house today, had almost finished making dinner. What an interesting day. Now I’m off to save my progress by transferring it from short term to long term memory. G’night everybody!

Still WWOOFing

Wow, I’m really slacking on the blog post frequency. Never mind, there isn’t much to report any way. The ponies are still next door and the beers still have slightly odd names,

One for me...

...One for my bronies.

And today the chickens were released into one of the areas that have been taking shape over the past few weeks as I and other WWOOFers have banged in fence posts, cut wires, attached fencing and eaten plums so the chooks have somewhere to roam without too much risk of being nabbed by an eagle or fox.

NOTE: I apologise in advance for the picture below. If your boss is looking over your shoulder right now click this link to make it look like you’re doing some work! (Quick, before he asks ‘what are you doing looking at a blurry picture of a big black cock’!) 

NOTE: I will not apologise for the rubbish picture quality.

BE FREE! (To walk around the designated fenced area)

And that’s about it for ‘news’. I have been experimenting with some cooking and have a handy recipe if ever you have the right ingredients and nothing else and you must use all said ingredients in one go to save the lives of a litter of puppies...

Like Ready Steady Cook only with genuine peril, not that false peril Harriet brings to the table.  

I’ve Got Plums, But I’m Not A Plumber

It's 'Greek Style', that means it's bankrupt.

So I’ve done some fruit picking, lots of plums, not on a farm but here at Poverty Peak. That name is starting to become a distinct reminder of my fiscal situation here and there are still little to no jobs, unless I lie and say I'm an experienced cow milker, which they'd believe if they saw my ex-girlfriend, zing!

So WWOOFing is still enjoyable but the nagging of my inner financial advisor is a constant reminder that I need to get some money soon or I’m going to have to turn to a life of crime, not real crime, more the kind that has a romantic edge like setting up a job agency that has job seekers pay to get the details of an employer that has posted an ad on my website only to find the position has been filled. Oh wait, there’s nothing romantic about taking people’s money and then making them search for the work...

Maybe I should just not bother with fruit picking.

The rest of the past week has seen Atti go to Melbourne to do a two day massage course (or something, she comes back today), me build more fences, pulling out rusted pipes from the dam with a chain and build a temporary house for Simon's new chooks! Actually the only reason I've been putting up fences for so long is because of these chickens so I have to thank them a bit for sorting me out with the job. We'll have to build a proper chook house soon so that's another job after the fencing is finished.

I did say 'temporary'

Meanwhile I'll be looking for fruit picking work and then I'll probably make plans to go somewhere else because fruit picking jobs have too much competition so any job that does become available is taken by people with cars. I would like to go to Tasmania but with my fiscal problem I'm not spending that much on a ferry/flight to get there!

So it's all pretty much the same as last week, but with a slightly smaller bank balance. At least I have one more awesome photo that Rob will probably print off and stick to his wall.

Can't blame him

I have also taken to messing around with a few old photos for no good reason.

And here's a picture of a Lorikeet

 And a lizard (I think it's a Skink?) hiding under a leaf

Will I get a job before my money goes completely? Probably not, but tune in next time to find out!