Lions and Tigers and Bears...

The bush, nothing to do with French women or 70's 'adult entertainment', this is the Australian wild, where everything has a warning painted onto them in fluorescent paint and are all much more willing to kick your arse than the critters back in Blighty.

"Ha haa! Nothing can stop my Tuberculosis!"

Of course not everything is aggressive or filled with poison. Kangaroos are Australia's national symbol and the noisiest and least graceful of all the animals. They do little to disguise their whereabouts as they bound through the woods, crashing into every plant, tree, rodent and making a racket. There are plenty around, to the point that many see them as pests, so they are essentially over-grown rabbits that like to eat your veggies if given half a chance (and they are very edible).

Look at all that hopping meat

They are also as timid as rabbits, as the mere sight of movement sees them bound off to crash through the woods. Which is the complete opposite to the mighty Huntsman spider. These guys are not like most spiders as if you stamp your foot near most spiders they scarper, but these guys just stand their ground with a look that basically says,

"I'm more scared of you than you are of me? Let's test that theory..."

The markings on this guy seemed more about camouflage than anything (because that's how huntsmen operate, no webs, just swift and sudden death dealing) but there are some that have a slightly different tactic/evolutionary path,

So... 'Go faster stripes'?

with brightly coloured lures and warnings that are probably there to trick bugs into flying close as they confuse the bright 'high vis jacket' for a pretty flower, or it's there to scare off birds, either way it must work because there were quite a few hanging out on this cactus (which I have to rip out today).

Of course, no night out in the sticks would be complete without the occasional strange noises. The other day I was watering the plants when I heard a noise, not dissimilar to a dying giraffe.

I've seen Jurrassic Park, and once the noise stopped I went back inside where I realised that kangaroos do look a bit like velociraptors, maybe they are just raptors in fur coats waiting to strike!

"Tonight.... You!"

The similarities are uncanny, long tail, big strong legs with smaller arms, an unquenchable blood-lust... They only evolved proper ears so they could hear the cries of their victims more clearly! Hopefully they are still dumb enough to run into reflective surfaces and... Hang on... If anybody steals this idea for a horror movie then I will sue you so hard your Grandmother will feel it!