The bush, nothing to do with French women or 70's 'adult entertainment', this is the Australian wild, where everything has a warning painted onto them in fluorescent paint and are all much more willing to kick your arse than the critters back in Blighty.
"Ha haa! Nothing can stop my Tuberculosis!"
Of course not everything is aggressive or filled with poison. Kangaroos are Australia's national symbol and the noisiest and least graceful of all the animals. They do little to disguise their whereabouts as they bound through the woods, crashing into every plant, tree, rodent and making a racket. There are plenty around, to the point that many see them as pests, so they are essentially over-grown rabbits that like to eat your veggies if given half a chance (and they are very edible).
Look at all that hopping meat
They are also as timid as rabbits, as the mere sight of movement sees them bound off to crash through the woods. Which is the complete opposite to the mighty Huntsman spider. These guys are not like most spiders as if you stamp your foot near most spiders they scarper, but these guys just stand their ground with a look that basically says,
"I'm more scared of you than you are of me? Let's test that theory..."
The markings on this guy seemed more about camouflage than anything (because that's how huntsmen operate, no webs, just swift and sudden death dealing) but there are some that have a slightly different tactic/evolutionary path,
So... 'Go faster stripes'?
with brightly coloured lures and warnings that are probably there to trick bugs into flying close as they confuse the bright 'high vis jacket' for a pretty flower, or it's there to scare off birds, either way it must work because there were quite a few hanging out on this cactus (which I have to rip out today).
Of course, no night out in the sticks would be complete without the occasional strange noises. The other day I was watering the plants when I heard a noise, not dissimilar to a dying giraffe.
I've seen Jurrassic Park, and once the noise stopped I went back inside where I realised that kangaroos do look a bit like velociraptors, maybe they are just raptors in fur coats waiting to strike!
"Tonight.... You!"
The similarities are uncanny, long tail, big strong legs with smaller arms, an unquenchable blood-lust... They only evolved proper ears so they could hear the cries of their victims more clearly! Hopefully they are still dumb enough to run into reflective surfaces and... Hang on... If anybody steals this idea for a horror movie then I will sue you so hard your Grandmother will feel it!
So for the past few days since I got here the weather has been pretty poor. Constant rain, flooded footpaths and the sound of water hitting the tin roof near 24/7. The grey skies looming forever and no break seeming to appear.
Today however was the reminder that I am indeed in one hell of a hot country as after the clouds spent the final drops the sky cleared quickly and, in a scene that I hadn't seen all week, the Sun burst forth and did her thing. Pummelling fence posts, sawing pipes and digging out weeds is hard work in this heat.
And all that water from the hills has to go somewhere
like in this meadow/marsh.
Not much to report then, but we haven't been flooded in and if the rain stays off the levels by the bridge should drop to less dramatic levels. Of course we have to wait for the water from the hills to flow down before we can be sure, but at least the sky is clear for once! There's more sunshine and sweat scheduled for tomorrow, so I best be up early to get as much done as possible before the Sun gets into her stride. So early night for me tonight, TTFN!
Odd to think it's the first time I've really seen the stars since being in Australia. Thanks a lot light pollution!
Don't worry, I'm not staying here forever or suggesting Stisted is anything like Wollombi, well actually there are some striking similarities. Wollombi is a very small village (spread out over a large area) with a local pub featuring some friendly patrons, that I visited today, not unlike Stisted's pub which features friendly locals, although the beer is slightly better in Stisted, it's proper ale for a start and it's a bit warmer which is something we all could have done with today as the English weather caught up with me.
The green hills are lush for a reason, and that reason is rainfall! And it has been rain-falling for most of the last 24 hours.
Now the title of this post makes more sense. Mud, water and rain.
The rain didn't let up all day as I mulched some more fruit trees, took a ute load of rubbish to the dump with Nico (an Italian guy who's lived around this way for ages) and chopped some wood for the log burner, yes we have resorted to burning logs as the temperature in the valley is a little lower than expected at this time of year.
But what is November without a roaring fire? As an Englishman I see no problem with getting wet socks and working in the rain in November. I have also been invited to maybe help Nico out with his painting/building work and I've met some more artistic types, something Wollombi is full of, and had a nice discussion about how American actors can't act without over doing everything and that the Brits have got acting down to the finest of arts (and that's an Aussie that said that). I didn't mention that I played the Lion in the Wizard of Oz back in the day, I'll save that for another day. I did mention that I can rite wordz realy gud, which led to us all agreeing that an artist cannot create unless they are miserable, hence the amount of alcoholics in the literary world.
"These hangovers are a sign I'm a great writer" - William 'Shakey' Shakespeare
I call this one 'Bug Bath'
I call this one 'Banjo's Backside By Blazing Burner'
For now I'm off to eat some dinner and listen to the rain on the tin roof as the fire burns away. Of course the frogs and crickets are backing up the soundtrack with their vocals/leg rubbing, but the rain is definitely providing the beat. So here's a soggy Ryan signing off, until next time, keep your feet dry!
Update: The rain has ceased for now and dinner was lovelly (I forgot to mention, Lesley was a chef in a past life). I never thought I would ever have a chicken and beetroot lasagne (the beetroot leaves were a good addition).
So I have left the Elephant Backpacker hostel of Woolloomooloo to continue my adventures without the threat of ridiculous price hikes over December (all the hostels do it, and it just creates another reason to dislike Christmas)
Of course on Sunday a small collective of us went out to have a few farewell beers at Shady Pines and have a quick play with my balls,
Kindly given to me by Matteo.
Obligatory.
Never gets old.
The next day I awoke in 311 for the last time, went to get my hair cut and replace my camera which I found out had broken sometime between Saturday and Sunday. Then back to the hostel to finish the last of my beers and try out my new camera.
Although I will hold some very fond memories of Sydney, I have felt for a while that it's time to move on and the $500 for one week price tag for a hostel bed was the big sign that I had to go and live elsewhere. So at 2:30 I was picked up and on the way to Wollombi, way out in the wild lands of the Hunter Valley....
More placid than wild, but whatever it's better than the traffic and horns of Sydney.
And much better than the hostel.
My hosts for this chapter of my Adventure are Lesley and her 2 year old girl, Ruby, plus the dog, Banjo. On Monday we got back late as we stopped off at various fruit and veg places and had to pick up, then drop off, Julia who lives a bit down the road, but not before we stopped off at the wine bar to have a quick cider and meet some local Thespians, who happen to have just finished their run of 'Street-Car Named Desire'. So not much doing on Monday, just getting here took long enough.
Today, Tuesday, I awoke to the sounds of various song birds and crickets along with my alarm. Later I had a quick tour of the various water pumps and fruit and veg gardens before mucking out the horse pen. Later on I'd find myself mulching a plum tree and having a bit of spare time to take some photos of the other guests around the place.
This guy is quite impressive, but bloody hard to capture on camera!
I have seen a few roos and wallabies hopping about, and even a turtle, but I'm yet to capture those on camera, I'm in no hurry as there's plenty of time for that, and hurrying isn't the way around here! Plus I need to practice some more picture taking with my new camera.
And there's a lot here to practice on.
So here begins the next chapter of my Aussie Adventure in which I begin to work on farms and such and begin to start seeing more than just Sydney! Until next time, friends, keep it real!
Since my last update I've done almost nothing, but earlier today I went to Palm Beach with Sjerai, Michelle, Emma and Simos (who had hired a car to go to Botany Bay for the week but decided to give us a lift to Palm Beach)
The crew. Not overly impressed by the misty weather at Summer Bay.
Oops, did I say Summer Bay? Well, no, I wrote Summer Bay. Anyway Palm Beach is in fact the beach used in the once mildly popular soap 'Home and Away', in which a bunch of people die a lot, here is a scene in which an actress that isn't good enough to be in anything other than Home and Away gets upset because about 3 main characters are dead or injured, probably due to a plane crash into an injured kangaroo the characters were trying to help, or something.
I think Hollyoaks nicked all their ideas from this show. In short, deaths! And lots of them with as many cars and fires as possible!
So that beach where the hanging close shots, odd cut to the other girl and wordy monologue was? I was there today! Woo!
It's that path where thousands of characters have died (probably)
Somebody tell 'Streets' or 'Walls' or whoever that 'Gaytime' isn't golden unless you're both into that kind of thing.
Summer Bay stuff. Not as much as I thought there'd be, but Home and Away is like Fosters, Australia doesn't really care about it.
All of this is significant in some way to somebody. We didn't actually stay very long as there isn't much to see around Palm Beach, just a golf course and a lighthouse in the distance, plus there was a mist rolling in off the sea that made everything a bit...
...grey.
So Simos drove the rest of us to good old (busy) Manly, before he set off for Botany Bay. We laid in the mist, but it wasn't long before the sun came out and roasted us before we got the ferry back to the hostel. A good day and two beaches!
After getting back to the hostel, I attempted to start packing for Monday, but I seem to have accumulated a lot of crap (or as I now call it, Home and Away) over the past 5-6 months and I now have the task of throwing away as much of it as possible, to be honest I think I can get rid of a few pairs of socks, but that can wait until tomorrow. So for now here is some nostalgia for those that stopped watching this when it went to Channel 5.
Due to the high cost of living in Sydney over the festive season I have decided to try my hand at WWOOFing, where I will be working on a farm/whatever for bed and board. I decided to ask some actual people about it, as the website looks like it was made by a guy who just downloaded a 6 year old copy of Dreamweaver.
Comic Sans + Over9000 hours in Dreamweaver = That'll do
I started with a place called ‘Travel and Travel’ and was not overly surprised to find that none of the notices are in English and they have instead opted for some kind of moonspeak.
What a deal! Buy 3 pancakes and get a free crispy duck!
I left before entering the office and went to ‘Work ‘n’ Travel’ a few doors down where a German girl gave me a little more info (in English) on the whole WWOOFing thing (not to be confused with DOGGing, which for the non-British readers is NSFW, so don’t Google it (notice how I avoided a joke about WWANKing, I’m much more mature now, see)). It turns out that they fob you off with some hippy non-sense about ‘exchanging’, basically I see it as working for food and shelter, which I have no problem with, but apparently to WWOOF means exchanging your time for accommodation and growing, developing skills, getting sunburnt, etc.
The same way the girls at Kings Cross are developing their skills in ‘exchange’ for their time and about $180 (negotiable).
Seriously, I’m in it for the free food, the skills and experience are fine and all but I just need somewhere to stay that isn’t going to rid me of all my money like the thieving hostels around here want to.
Funnily enough, to join WWOOFing you need to pay $65. I should have suggested I exchange my time for my membership in the form of reading my blog to needy children or something, but I soon realised I write at a higher reading age than the needy kids would understand.
You must be at least 5 years old to read this blog, dumbass.
I paid the $65, got a book full of names and numbers of farms/whatever and left with a good bye which was answered with a ‘good luck’, um... ok? I went on my merry way to Watson Bay with Camille, Aisseta and Pauline, because it was around 31oC and WWOOFing can wait, plus beaches kick ass!
We went to a place called Cove something for some baking and swimming, you know, because it’s a beach (To my British readers, 31oC is quite warm and a nice sandy beach is one of those things you have to get a flight to). Later we wondered around the South Head Walk, past ‘Lady Bay’ which is the most ironic name for a nudist beach I have ever seen, considering only men go to nudist beaches in the hope of working the ‘naked man’ angle.
It works 2/3 times.
“At least I still have my dignity and my hat” – Eric (I guess his name was Eric as when we walked back later he was sporting a full on erection as he looked out to sea, which made us and a couple of Chinese girls laugh as we walked by)
We managed to miss the last ferry back to Circular Quay because they stopped coming at 3:50, which is the dumbest timetable ever. Although it was a minor cock up, it did give us time to walk up to Bluff Gap and look out to the Tasman Sea.
I don’t get what Eric sees in it, must be an Aussie thing.
Also, flowers
Then it was down the hill for a quick cold beer before grabbing the bus back to the hostel. A very nice day indeed.
That was Tuesday. Today (Wednesday) I researched a few WWOOFing places and gave a few of them a ring. I got one answer but not much good as it would only be for a week and I left a couple of answer phone messages on other places.
As I write this I just got off the phone from a reply from one place, basically I’ll be gardening in the Hunter Valley area for a while and helping out with some horses, you never know I may even learn to ride one,
Like a BAAWS!
Sadly I might not be there for too long as there may not be enough to do until January, but that’s cool, at least I’ll get some experience, develop some skills and exchange my time for... Oh no! I sound like one of ‘them’! So it seems I’ll be saying goodbye to the Elephant Backpacker on Monday, forever! But we've all got to go sometime, as those who don’t are eaten by roaches eventually.
They grow up so fast
‘Tis the dawning of a new chapter in my Awesome Australian Adventure, and I can’t wait to get started! So I’ll have to get some gardening gloves, long sleeve tees and a hat, lest I succumb to the relentless scorching of the sun.
Screw you, Sun!
EDIT: I just remembered what the naked man picture reminded me of...
