A Walk in the Bush Requires More Than Just Wax

It is officially the coldest start to a summer in Sydney for over 50 years, but today the sun was shining and at around 12 I decided to go for a walk out in the bush as Lesley and Ruby were off to the Australian tennis coach’s house or something (apparently he has a pool). He has a name that tennis fans might recognise, but I don’t care for tennis so I didn’t trouble myself to remember it. I was more concerned by making the most of the dry weather and getting up in them thar hills!

I made a manwich, grabbed a cheeky couple of beers from my half of the crate and took myself and my camera up the side of a hill. The sky was blue and the heat was more than sufficient and I settled into some personal pioneering and scaled a few boulders.

I found a natural seat to have my manwich, saw a lizard on the ground, but upon looking skyward I noticed a swathe of grey entering the vista.

Bear Grylls may think he's tough, but a real man packs a manwich! (To be considered a 'manwich', one's snack must have at least 3 types of meat and a sauce that doesn't sound French forced between two pieces of bread in a way that reminds the eater that presentation means nothing to a real man!)

I thought nothing of the grey sky and I continued climbing towards the peak... it wasn't long into my trek that the delicate sound of thunder silenced the birds and an eerie silence took hold of the hillside before the heavens opened. Once it became apparent that the rain was in no mood to stop, I found some shelter as my outfit was more suited to ‘tropical heat’ rather than ‘tropical storm’, struck a pose, and waited for the ten minute shower to pass.

Always pose nonchalantly when sheltering from rain and only eat the spiders if you were too stupid to pack something to eat, that means you 'Bear'. 

The ground was now slick with the recent rainfall, so climbing rocks was not the smartest idea and seeing as the thunder was still purring nearby I decided to head back down and surrender my adventure to the weather.

A few pictures later I found myself close to base when a particularly strong crash of thunder bellowed from the heavens, a signal that the previous shower was a mere prelude to the onslaught that was to come. I was 30 seconds away from safety when the first rain drops fell, then a barrage of hail stones battered the ground, fortunately I was already at the door when the icy chunks really made their presence felt. They pummelled the roof, made dents in the already soft ground, the accompanying rain was heavy enough to make the gutters spill over and within minutes a torrent of water was running out towards the meadow.

Australia, where the summers are like the summers back home...

...Only with more rain.

A narrow escape, but the real casualty here is my day off, which is now going to be spent reading Moby Dick on my iPod. I would swear vengeance upon the sky, but I’m not bat-shit insane,

I just look that way.

Update: The hail has ceased, but the rain hasn't let up in the slightest for the past 90 minutes... Good thing my iPod is loaded with good old fashioned rock and roll!

How fitting. Is there any situation AC/DC can't be played? 

Funeral? (Highway to Hell, Rock In Peace) 

Getting an STD? (The Jack) 

Humping a fat girl? (Whole Lotta Rosie) 

Wedding? (Damned) 

Space travel? (Satellite Blues) 

Plane crash? (Skies on Fire) 

Having big balls? (Big Balls)

Touching someone too much? (Touch Too Much)

Being back in black? (Back In Black)

Chaos at the European Parliament? (Bedlam In Belgium)

Rejected by a girl? (Shot Down In Flames)

Being a hit-man? (Dirty Deeds, Guns For Hire)

Transgender? (She's Got Balls)

In debt? (Down Payment Blues)

Sex? (Anything Goes, Cover You in Oil, Love At First Feel, Put The Finger On You, Let's Get It Up, Beating Around The Bush, Let Me Put My Love Into You, Sink The Pink)

Contemplating the existence of God? (Who Made Who)

I don't think they've missed anything, I'm impressed.