Merry Christmas (War is over...there, in a country I was flying over about 6 months ago)

24^th December 2011

My last morning in Wollombi featured me helping Lesley (and Billy) find some escaped horses. (Billy had been staying at Lesley’s for the past few days, but he had not gained the honour of being mentioned as the 13 year old only child with medication for his anger issues and a $6000 MacBook was a 13 year old only child with medication for his anger issues and a $6000 MacBook.* I’m sure some of you think of me as jealous, but back in my day we didn’t have meds for our emotional problems because we weren’t spoiled by our parents, OK so maybe there are other reasons  for such instabilities, but seriously, who buys a kid a laptop that is worth my entire income for the past 6 months?! He is quite good at playing the piano but he sulks so often that I couldn't take the kid seriously.

Anyway, I was tasked with driving us all (Banjo, Lesley, Me, Ruby and Billy) to Pymble, where I would say my final farewells before getting on the train to Hurstville (via Central). Then a bus to Southgate Shopping Centre where I would meet my auntie Sue, buy beer and head to my abode for the next week or so, that happened to be my abode all those months ago.

Some neighbours were at Mike and Sue’s when I arrived and conversations morphed between many subjects over nibbles, beer and wine before the party disbanded a while later and I tried to phone home...

No luck there so time for a sandwich and some xmas eve TV.

Rockwiz Christmas show 2011 saw a man ruin John Lennon’s Merry Christmas (War is Over) and as it was the first time I have heard the awful song this festive season I had forgotten how much I dislike the song and this version was lovingly made worse by John English (who was in Jesus Christ Superstar or something 40 years ago). The Rockwiz thing almost felt like a BBC Radio 4 comedy show, but with less of the comedy and charm. Jokes seemed to hang and were mostly about colonic irrigation or um... I think that was the only joke.

Of course it is hard to be entertained when the real highlight of the evening was uncle Mike’s telling of his time fishing for Spanish mackerel and helping a fellow fisherman shoot a shark in the head with a 303 rifle. Also how a friend who saw his boat burn up on a salt flat, but Mike didn’t realise until recently that it was more likely an insurance job, thanks to some input by somebody 40 years later.

Currently on TV, Paul Kelly just did a song about Christmas being tonight, which is wrong as it’s Christmas Eve.

*I’m trying to finish slagging off Billy but a film called ‘Iznogoud’ has just started and it’s weird and French.

December 25^th 2011

A weird thing it is to wake up to glorious sunshine and not needing to immediately wrap up warm for fear of freezing one’s knackers off at this time of year, but to be fair, Christmas isn’t something that makes sense in Australia. As a non-religious man, Christmas is something that is more about having a day off, wearing a jumper and gorging on meat, chocolate and alcohol, but in Australia that is a normal day (except for the jumper). Another thing is that Christmas merchandise is always snowy snowmen wearing snow covered scarves and hats and if there is one thing Sydney lacks, ‘tis snow. So the winter wonderlands, white Christmases and little drummer boys were elsewhere, but the real meaning of Christmas is of course, something to do with the baby Jesus, but people often talk about family and presents. I am lucky enough to live in a world where telephones exist which enabled me to talk to my family back in Essex, which was nice. The day was spent outside with Sue, Mike, Alan and Joan (friends of Mike and Sue). Crab legs, oysters, mussels and prawns, yes PRAWNS ON CHRISTMAS DAY!

So 'ner ner nerner ner' Stew!

And nobody can escape, THE CLAW!

The whole day we sat outside, from noon ‘til six, when the sun began to dip to light other people’s Christmases. Then it was back indoors to catch up with the world via the TV as we ate chocolate, just like I would do back home.

Not pictured: His blue tongue

3 films** and a lot of chocolate later I was dozing, so bedtime it was. Today I have seen a couple of Blue Tongue lizards and soon I will be visiting relations from Sue's side of the family, many I haven't met before. So I'm going to make like a banana and leave, catch ya later!

**1. Easy Virtue, a good film based on a play by that guy that did lots of stuff. Colin Firth was probably the best character in it.

  2. National Lampoon Christmas Vacation, I missed the first part and forgot how poorly edited the ending was, but it is still a brilliant film.

 3. Bad Santa, The best Christmas film that isn't Jingle All The Way. You can keep your slushy sentimental stuff, I'll have Billy Bob Thornton in his greatest role.

So this is Christmas...